This side up...

So yes, the poor stupid man.

I don't have any of his problems. Thank god for small mercies - and ACT Broadband!  

And splat goes the mosquito!

Before I proceed, I must inform you of the following.

a) I love most creatures that make up the animal/bird/bug kingdom. Mosquitoes however are undeserving of my love.
b) This post is graphic. Many, many, many mosquitoes were harmed, tortured or killed during (and prior to) the making of this entry.

Mosquitoes have been a very wretched part of my life since my childhood. I have them to thank for the many, many scars that my otherwise sexy legs are riddled with. I believe they are fond of my blood. Even when standing in a group, they smell me out. They drink large quantities of my blood. They make that znzzznznznnznz noise around my head, yet stay invisible. And once darkness sets in, they are the bane of my life.

I've had enough! And I have now developed a thirst for their blood. Quid pro quo. And therefore this post. Also since I am such a thoughtful personality, always looking to save mankind, I must share tips on HOW TO KILL A MOSQUITO AND ENJOY DOING SO.


Method 1: Grabitty Grab

Grab the mosquito, as you would somebody's shirt collar when you're itching for a fight. One of the 3 things happen.
1) Your timing is a little off and it escapes. No worries.. life usually gives you many second chances. 
2) It gets smashed somewhere in that pretty hand of yours. Oh happiness and joy. 
3) If there is still some flicker of life left in it, hold it by a leg or a wing and pull out every other appendage. For best result, start with the legs and then proceed to the wings. 


Method 2: One tight slap!

Slap it how you would a creepy man or someone you loathe. Here as well, you are presented with two scenarios.
1) While it feasts on you. 
2) While it rests on a flat surface engorged by a mad feeding frenzy; one that has left you with an itch that certainly needs scratching. 

In both cases, it will most certainly leave a mess. But your appetite for destruction will be fed, for a while at least.



Method 3: Fried!

Find that that magical device called the Mosquito Swatter that's available on most city streets for as little as Rs. 150.  They come in bright colours, and if you're really lucky, the one you pick up might even have a mosquito motif on it.  Ensure you charged it well for best effects.

The minute you sense a mosquito invading your airspace, wave it over your head and everywhere else. It's alright if you miss it the first time, the second or the eighth even. The minute it makes contact with the bat, it's truly a treat for the senses. You see that pretty silver spark before you snuff the life out of it, you hear the crackle of it getting fried and an acrid smell fills the air - not really a pleasant one, but one very satisfying.

For a spectacular fireworks display, it would do you good to find a dark room where the mosquito and its mates roost. The kitchen is ideal. Switch on the light and dance away.


Method 4: The Clap

This method works best when you are wearing black and you have a little whirlwind of those infernal creatures flying over your head - open your palms and clap them just above your head. If you happen to make a killing (more than 3 nos mosquitoes with a single clap), wash your hands and then pat yourself on the back.

This also works when the whirlwind is over someone else's head. Two things here - you startle that someone else, but 100% satisfaction guaranteed.


Method 5: Protector of the Universe

When you see a friend in danger, quickly put on your superhero cape. The mosquito is likely to be poised to sit on the aforementioned friend's back or hair (really!). Your hand action should be similar to Tip 2, but much much gentler of course. You wouldn't want to hurt your friend, would you?

Word of advice here - Most people don't understand that they are required to express gratitude to you after this manoeuvre. They usually care only about themselves. They respond with one of the following. "Yuck, that's gross!" or "Oh no, my hair!" But fret not, secretly you know they are grateful. 


So yes, these are some of the ways in which you can save the planet, one (or more) pesky mosquito at a time.  In case you're wondering what brought about this act of selflessness and sharing, it was the Grabitty Grab! 

Toodles! 

Colour me happy

Trees with flowers purple and yellow

They make me a colour happy fellow

From rage, it transforms my mood to mellow

Relief

So yes, on the aforementioned subject of Panic, a solution has been arrived at. Confession.

While it really drained me emotionally, I wouldn't do it any other way. I fucked up spectacularly and the day of reckoning had to arrive. Today was my day of reckoning.

And I am better as a result of it.

Just an aside, my parents handled it brilliantly. It makes me look at them with new eyes; with more respect, with more love, and oh so much gratitude. My brilliant father also confessed to having done similar things in his younger days; the only difference being that he didn't get caught.

They really rock!

Panic

So I screwed up about a year back with respect to something my parents had asked me to do. I kept putting it away thinking I would do it at some point of time. I really meant to, but i kept making excuses, and now it has come back to bite me in the ass.

Lessons learned. 

• Procrastination is a bitch. 
• If I lie, I should be able to pull something off; but I wont be able to live with it. 
• If  I tell my parents about it, they are never again going to trust me - with anything. Ever. 

I typically pride myself on being able to tell them what is going on in my life, rather than lie about it. I hope I can find a solution to this with as little drama as possible.

I don't think I've ever been more ashamed of myself than now. It's a wake up call.

Family... the ties that bind and gag

Once there were 2 siblings
Born on the same day 5 years apart
They were as close as close could be
Each married, had a family of their own 
The families too were close

There was this piece of property 
It was never established who it belonged to
Time passed by 
Speaking about the property was taboo
As each one claimed it as their own 

The property was then put up for sale 
The siblings shared the income from the sale
Time passed by 
All could have been happy 
But speaking about the property was still taboo

A feud began
Tempers flared and ego reared its ugly head
Time passed by 
The siblings didn't speak any more
The families grew distant 

Once there were 2 siblings
Born on the same day 5 years apart
One of them is ill now
The other an alcoholic
Today is their birthday

The importance of being occupied.

Is it just me or does anyone else notice the regression from happy me to not so happy me over the past couple of months? As the time passes by and I do nothing, I seem to be getting more and more dissatisfied and disinterested. I have slipped into this false sense of comfort and have let it cloak every pore of my being.  

It feels like time will run out soon and my once content heart will be filled with regret. 

I need a new worm! NOW!